Did you ever feel a pang when you saw your friend’s child crawl and yours was nowhere near it? Or when someone’s child was getting better grades? It’s natural, right? It is, but that’s something you need to train yourself to get out of. Every child is unique – we need to not just understand this, but repeat it to ourselves like a mantra every single day. Every child is unique.
The general milestones that children achieve are outlined in countless child rearing books – you’ll learn that a baby starts teething at a certain age, or starts crawling, walking etc. Then you apply those milestones to your child and realize that your child is either on track, missing the milestone or is earlier than expected. And then the anxieties start, particularly for first time parents.
When you are ridden with worry that your child is not eating or teething as she should at this age, remember the mantra we discussed earlier – each child is unique. Life isn’t a race and your child is certainly not a participant in this race! So, why are we constantly comparing and holding our child to such high expectations? Everything comes at its time – when the baby is ready to crawl, no force on this planet can stop it! Conversely, when she is not ready, you might push with all your might, but she won’t do it, because she simply isn’t ready! Comparing your baby with your neighbours is only going to give you sleepless nights, so don’t do it.
It gets worse when the child goes to school. I have seen parents fight with their child’s teacher over every half mark because they think how can their child score less than XYZ? Does it matter? Maybe it’s our education system that creates such a hype around marks that we automatically fall prey to it – and it doesn’t help that people all around us want to know our child’s marks. Our self-esteem gets tied to our childrens’ marks and we put more pressure on them to score better. Do you see the vicious circle? Can you see the harm we are doing?
Every child has his own capabilities, limitations and talents. It is rightly said that everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. Imagine how different it would have been if Sania Mirza’s parents had insisted that she learn to sing instead of playing tennis!
Think about it. Your child is like no other – do not push him or her to be someone else. The most damaging words you can use for your child are “Look at so and so. She’s a topper. Why can’t you be like her?”
Can a tiger ever be like a cow?? Do not keep unreasonable expectations – you will surely be disappointed and your child will forever feel like a failure. Support your child in whatever he or she wants to do or be. Do not succumb to societal pressures. Academics are not the end all and be all of life. Your child could be good with languages or music; she could have a great sense of style or design and could end up being a very successful designer rather than a failure while trying to be a doctor!
Do the right thing!
