We’re talking of guiding behaviour – not disciplining at child. Discipline works in the military, and that’s not a bad thing because their requirements have to do with life and death situations. In bringing up a child we are trying to equip them with life skills, and that is possible only through behaviour guidance. At some point in life, children have to leave the comfort of their homes and deal with the outside world. This starts as early as when they go to school.
There’s nothing more effective in guiding your children’s bevaiour as being their role model. They will behave the way they see you, so if you handle situations calmly and rationally, they’ll do the same. It won’t help if you tell them to switch off the lights every time they leave the room, but you don’t do it yourself! You must model behaviours that you expect them to live by.
Teach your children that actions have consequences. They are responsible for anything that happens as a result of what they do – if they break their toys, they will no longer be able to play with them. Similarly, if they don’t eat green vegetables, they will not grow healthy. This last bit might not be too much of a deterrent since health will probably not be in the realm of their most pressing issues at this age! However, they’ll get it if they hear it repeatedly.
Listen to what your child is trying to tell you. Sometimes in our anxiety to correct them, we forget to listen, and it’s always possible that they have a valid point. It may be that your child is misbehaving just to get your attention! Be attentive and give them a fair hearing, or a hug! Sometimes they misbehave because they are just bored. Find them something interesting to do!
Establish clear and simple rules. Children should be able to understand the expectations of parents – for instance, tell them that they must be home before street lights come on when they go out to play in the evening. If you tell them to be back by 7 o’clock, children may not have a way to tell time and it’s too much to expect them to interrupt their play to keep asking adults the time! However, street lights coming on is a very simple rule to follow and they would be reminded that it’s time to get home the minute lights come on.
Sometimes it’s ok to let children learn on their own. You don’t want to turn into helicopter parents always hovering nearby. They will make mistakes, stumble and get up on their own. This learning will have a far greater impact than your constantly telling or warning them. Suppose your child refuses to set his bag at night before going to bed, and in the morning you have to help him because just getting ready on time is a task. Don’t do it one day. Your child will realize the consequences on his own.
Finally, praise good behaviour. Praise is a great motivator when used judiciously. Your children shouldn’t see you only as roadblocks! They need to know that they can come to you whenever the need arises. If you keep judging them for what they do wrong, they will always feel hesitant to approach you.
Keep the doors to communication open!
